The Awakening
by thumos
Summary: When Sasuke accidentally hits Sakura with his Chidori and subsequently awakens the Mangekyou Sharingan because of it, he is forced to reevaluate his role as a shinobi and his goals in life. AU.


_Dear lord, what have I done? I've written another AU. A particularly long AU. Thankfully, it's just a oneshot this time around. I've loosely interpreted Sasuke's character, and brought around the more prominent side effects of PTSD (that don't usually show in canon). Let me know if he seems too out of character. Also, this is meant to be ship neutral, but interpret this as SasuSaku if you want._

* * *

Years from now, he'd remember that moment in perfect detail, that moment when normal thought and rationality flew from his mind and anger – wild and uncontrollable – took over. He couldn't remember what exactly set him over the edge; it was a mixture of Naruto somehow reaching his level (maybe surpassing him?), Naruto defeating Gaara, Naruto saving Sakura, Naruto, Naruto, _Naruto_. He challenged his teammate with every intention of defeating him. He powered his Chidori while Naruto powered his Rasengan, and Sasuke knew even then that using those techniques would end the battle, for better or worse. What he did not expect, however, was Sakura to interfere. She ran in between them, screaming for them to stop, and twin looks of shock and desperation crossed his and Naruto's faces. But neither of them could. In the end, Naruto really did win, as he managed to avert the Rasengan and blast a hole in the hospital roof.

Sasuke, however, had no such luck. He couldn't stop the Chidori, and all he could do was move forward. His Sharingan captured everything in perfect detail – Sakura turning to dodge a fraction of a second too late, the tears rolling down her cheeks, the way her vibrant green eyes closed as the Chidori connected with her body. She didn't even scream; for once, she was completely silent. And, for once, Naruto was too. The blonde recovered first as he glanced from Sakura, to Sasuke, and then back to Sakura, his face expressionless. Sasuke's eyes began to burn as he looked down at Sakura – she was almost unrecognizable now, with all the burns, and there was _so much blood_ – and something wet slid down his cheeks.

_I didn't mean to… I didn't mean for it to go this far…_

Sasuke saw droplets of blood falling down on the ground, and he vaguely wondered where he was bleeding and why he wasn't doing anything to stop it.

_Because Sakura… She…_

It felt like it had been hours before Kakashi arrived instead of minutes. The jounin didn't say anything as he bent down to examine Sakura's body.

_She's dead, and it's all my fault…_

Sasuke must have said this out loud, for Kakashi looked in his direction. His sensei's visible eye widened slightly as he stood up, lifted Sasuke's face up by the chin, and stared into his eyes. Sasuke's eyes were still burning, and yet he embraced it as a sort of punishment for… what he did. But then there was something else – he was losing chakra rapidly. He didn't know why, but sometime after the new Hokage arrived to check on Sakura, he collapsed.

* * *

When Sasuke regained consciousness, the first thing he did was check the seat by his hospital bed. If Sakura was there, then all that had happened was a horrible dream – except it wasn't. Kakashi was there instead of Sakura, and there was a part of Sasuke that vehemently denied that anything bad had happened. _I can't expect her to spend every waking minute with me – she's probably just busy._ But Kakashi's solemn expression told him he was wrong. "I'm sure you're well aware of what happened," the jounin said in a monotone, "and I'm not going to lecture you about teamwork and how what you did was wrong – your Sharingan can tell you that."

"My Sharingan?" Sasuke repeated weakly.

Kakashi stood up and walked over to the hospital bed, handing Sasuke a hand mirror. "Activate it and see for yourself." When Sasuke complied, his eyes drooped shut almost automatically, and it felt like the Sharingan was draining his chakra at a ridiculous rate. Still, Sasuke forced his eyes open and saw three intersecting red ellipses, instead of his usual Sharingan. "The Mangekyou Sharingan," Kakashi said in a dull voice. And then it hit him.

_I awakened it… because of Sakura…_

Before he could even react, his vision faded to black, and his head hit the pillow.

The next time Sasuke woke up in the hospital, Tsunade was there to greet him instead of Kakashi. Sasuke panicked, assuming that the Hokage was there to tell him the terms of his punishment for what he did to Sakura, drag him to the Torture and Interrogation Department, banish him from Konoha, or all three. "No need to look so terrified," she said in a calm voice. "I just want to talk to you about Sakura." She frowned, and Sasuke hoped that her anger wasn't directed at him. "Kakashi was supposed to tell you, but then he got all caught up in your Sharingan – seriously, don't activate it until you boost your chakra levels and you learn to control your chakra. First things first." Sasuke squeezed his eyes shut. "She's alive." The Hokage smiled when Sasuke gave a tremendous sigh of relief. "Barely, but she's alive. Your Chidori really did a number on her."

"I'm sorry," Sasuke said automatically.

Tsunade sighed. "Look, kid. While you've been out cold, Naruto and Kakashi basically told everyone who asked that she was injured in a training accident."

"But it wasn't an accident," Sasuke whispered.

"Did you mean to hit her with your Chidori?" Tsunade asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No."

"Then it was an accident. The only things I blame you for are losing your temper and not being able to control your Chidori – but for the last one, I blame mostly Kakashi. Your sensei told me to punish you as I saw fit, but I personally think the existence of your shiny new Sharingan is punishment enough."

Maybe it was the hospital that made his emotions so much harder to control these days. Before, it was uncontrollable rage; now, tears were streaming down Sasuke's face, and he was openly sobbing, something he hadn't done since the massacre. He wasn't prepared for the Hokage to hug him tightly, and he stiffened in her grasp. "It's going to be okay," she said soothingly as she rubbed circles on his back. "Sakura's not going to die. Give her a couple months, and she'll make a full recovery."

"This wasn't supposed to happen," Sasuke choked out.

"I know," Tsunade replied as she rubbed his arm. Sasuke didn't know how long he stayed there in the Hokage's arms – the last person to hold him like this was his _mother_, for crying out loud – but all he knew is that he never wanted her to let go.

* * *

After two days, Sasuke was discharged from the hospital with strict instructions not to push himself. Activating the Mangekyou Sharingan, coupled with his battle with Naruto on the hospital's rooftop, had given him a rather severe case of chakra exhaustion, and Sasuke found himself meandering to the memorial stone, thanking every god he knew of that Sakura's name wasn't going to be on it anytime soon. He finally realized why Sakura cried so much – a long crying session like the one he had at the hospital was cathartic, and at the end, he felt refreshed.

"About time they released you."

Sasuke reached for his pouch – which he'd left at home because he couldn't train today – and turned around to face Kakashi. To be honest, ever since he woke up at the hospital, he'd been apprehensive of facing his sensei. He knew the jounin was disappointed in him, and somehow this feeling was worse than how he felt when he woke up at the hospital after his disastrous confrontation with his brother. "Do you have anything to say?" Kakashi asked.

Sasuke stared at the ground, carefully suppressing his emotions – no need for any outbursts like the one in front of Tsunade. "I'm sorry."

"'Accident' or not," Kakashi said, "the elders want your head for this. Especially Shimura Danzou. Ever heard of him?" Sasuke simply shook his head. "I would hope not. Anyway, you owe Naruto an apology, not me."

Sasuke nodded. "Where can I find him?"

For the first time in what felt like forever, Kakashi's eye narrowed in what appeared to be mirth. "What do you think?"

* * *

Sasuke had only eaten at Naruto's favorite ramen stand once, and that was after the mission in Wave. Sure enough, his teammate was there, looking despondent as he picked at his food instead of practically inhaling it as usual. He sat down next to Naruto, and for once, the hyperactive blonde didn't acknowledge his presence. "Ah, Sasuke!" the man running Ichiraku's greeted cheerfully. "What can I get you?"

"Miso," Sasuke answered in a dull voice.

"Coming right up!" Teuchi said.

Sasuke sighed and glanced at Naruto. "Are you mad?" he asked quietly.

"Are _you_ mad?" Naruto shot back, not even daring to look at him.

"No," Sasuke answered.

To his surprise, Naruto grinned at him. "Then I'm not either. What happened to Sakura-chan wasn't _totally_ your fault."

"I'm sorry," Sasuke said anyway.

Naruto frowned. "You're acting weird. You're not as… broody today."

And he was right. Sasuke _did _feel better. He felt… lighter, in a sense, and it shocked him to think that two days had gone by without him thinking about Itachi or the massacre even once. Knowing Sakura was going to be okay was good enough for him, and he was glad for that. So Sasuke simply shrugged and gave a small smile.

"Seriously, Sasuke," Naruto said, inching away from him. "You're freaking me out!"

* * *

"I thought I told you, Sasuke!" Tsunade yelled as Sasuke carefully avoided her glare in the hospital room. "No training! And you even used the Chidori _and_ the Mangekyou Sharingan!"

"I didn't mean to activate the Sharingan," Sasuke muttered. "And I was trying to learn to _stop_ the Chidori."

Tsunade sighed and gave Sasuke a small smile. "You know, Kakashi mentioned that all you wanted before was raw power, so you could kill your brother." Sasuke flinched, and Tsunade scoffed. "Don't look so surprised – it's no secret."

"Power like that…" Sasuke mused, "… it's useless, unless you can control it. And that's what I need right now – control."

Tsunade's eyes widened. "I'm impressed, Sasuke," she said. "I'm guessing what happened to Sakura prompted this little revelation?"

"You mean _what I did_ to her."

"Sasuke, you can't punish yourself forever. You lost your temper – it happens to everyone."

"But no one was supposed to get hurt."

And then there was a long, yet not excruciatingly awkward silence. "You know…" Tsunade piped up. "Have you ever considered picking up medicine?" Sasuke simply raised his eyebrows. "You said you wanted control right now more than anything, right? Well medical ninjutsu requires a _lot_ of chakra control."

"Then Sakura would be more suited towards it than me."

Tsunade chuckled. "The way I see it, you'd just have to work for it a little more than she would. Anyway, this fits in nicely with your little vengeance plot – if you become a medic, you'll have such a strong understanding of the human body that you'd be able to kill your brother so quickly and easily, he won't even see it coming. Besides… Mikoto was quite the medic, back in the day, and, if you're anything like her, you'd make a pretty damn good one too."

Sasuke jerked his head upwards in surprise. "My mother?"

Tsunade smiled. "She wasn't a full-fledged medic nin – Uchiha pride and all that – but she _was_ good at medical ninjutsu." Tsunade sighed heavily. "And she had so much potential too…" She stood up and dusted off her clothes. "I should get going now. Think about it and let me know, okay Sasuke?"

Sasuke simply nodded and grunted in response.

* * *

It took two weeks, but Sasuke finally managed to produce a Chidori without the Sharingan's aid. Now all that was left was learning how to stop it. _If I completely stopped the flow of chakra to my arm, I'd be able to stop the Chidori… but that would require Sakura's level of chakra control… I can at least try._ And then he pushed the chakra out of his hand as quickly as he possibly could, and the Chidori slowly lost power. _Come on… faster…_ He quickly withdrew the rest of the chakra from his hand, and the Chidori exploded, sending him flying into a tree. _Damn it… I don't think I have the chakra for another one…_ "Not bad, Sasuke." Kakashi stood just a little ways in front of him, and Sasuke vaguely wondered when he came. "Though it would be a lot easier with the Sharingan."

"I can't use the Sharingan," Sasuke retorted, panting. "Even when I'm at full chakra, I can't keep it active for more than a few minutes at a time without passing out from chakra exhaustion. I don't know how to turn on my normal Sharingan without activating the Mangekyou Sharingan."

"That would require a lot of chakra control," Kakashi pointed out. "A lot more than even Sakura has right now."

"Then it's impossible," Sasuke said simply. "Lots of shinobi function without the Sharingan; I don't see why I can't."

Kakashi gave a heavy sigh as he ruffled Sasuke's hair. "Sasuke… I hope you realize that I'm not still angry about what happened to Sakura." Sasuke flinched, and Kakashi winced sympathetically. "You really should stop beating yourself up about it. It was an accident."

"I shouldn't have resorted to the Chidori at all," Sasuke muttered, turning his head away, "or I should have been able to stop it, at least."

"Then we'll work together," Kakashi said. "It's my jutsu after all – I should have come up with a way to stop it anyway. I'll let you know when I succeed."

Sasuke nodded. "Same here."

Just then, a woman with long brown hair ran to them. "Hatake-san, Uchiha-san!" she yelled frantically. "You must come immediately! It's Haruno-san! Her condition's worsened!" And Sasuke ran as fast as he could toward the hospital, his mind, for once, completely blank.

* * *

When Sasuke saw Sakura for the first time in days, he wanted to throw up, pass out, or do both. She lay on a hospital bed, her eyes closed; it looked like she was asleep, rather than unconscious. There was a mask covering her mouth – Sasuke vaguely remembered when he had to wear one after the Chuunin Exam prelims – and a few nurses were bandaging her arm. Sasuke took notice of how scarred and disfigured her arm was, but, thankfully, her face was still unblemished.

"Ah, Sasuke," he heard Tsunade say, as if from far away. "Sakura's fine now; you don't have to worry."

"What happened?" Sasuke asked, surprised to find his voice shaking.

"We had a bit of a scare," Tsunade explained calmly. "Her heart stopped and her pulse slowed down for almost a full minute."

"But she's fine now," he whispered, hoping that it would be true if he really believed it.

"Yeah, she is," Tsunade replied, resting her hand on his shoulder.

It was like he was dreaming; this didn't feel real. "I'll do it," he said quietly. "I… I'll learn medicine."

"You won't get good enough fast enough to heal Sakura," Tsunade pointed out.

"I know," Sasuke replied a bit breathlessly. "I just want to make sure nothing like this happens again."

He could practically hear the smile in her voice. "Welcome aboard, Sasuke."

It was strange, how the fact that his entire life changed at that moment barely affected him at all.

* * *

If Sasuke knew strange chakra control exercises were all it took to get the fangirls off his back, he would have started them a long time ago. Tsunade had given him a theoretically simple task: fold a sheet of rice paper into a crane using only chakra. But he'd always invariably exert too much chakra and rip the paper in the process, and then he would have to start again. It took several tries to coat the paper with enough chakra to lift it a few inches off his hand without ripping it, and several more to make one fold, but the paper always ripped when he tried to fold it a second time. He was getting frustrated – so frustrated that he resorted to burning all his failed attempts – but he persevered; there was still a part of him that insisted that maybe, just maybe, he'd get good enough at medical ninjutsu that he'd be able to heal Sakura, or at least help her recover.

Today, he sat in Tsunade's office, blocking out the world and concentrating only on the paper in front of him; he was used to the weird stares he received from passing shinobi by now. "That's enough, Sasuke." Sasuke jumped and promptly ripped the paper with his chakra. Tsunade chuckled as he glared at her. "Sorry for distracting you. It's really late, so you should probably stay with me for the night."

Sasuke shook his head. "It's all right," he said. "I'll just walk back home."

Tsunade just raised one eyebrow. "It's almost midnight. A kid like you shouldn't be out so late anyway."

Sasuke scowled. "I'm not a kid," he grumbled.

Tsunade chuckled. "Face it, Sasuke. You're exhausted. Besides, I _know_ how far the Uchiha compound is from here, so you can crash at my place." After a few more protests, each one growing steadily weaker, Sasuke finally agreed to stay at Tsunade's home – a large flat with three bedrooms (two of which were already occupied by Tsunade herself and her assistant), a large kitchen, and a large living room. Sasuke was asleep before his head even hit the pillow.

* * *

Sometimes, Sasuke couldn't handle the guilt. Oh, the guilt was always there, a cold, gnawing feeling that wouldn't fade no matter how many times Tsunade, Kakashi, or Naruto told him that they didn't blame him for what happened to Sakura (at least not entirely), but there were times, like right now, where it became unbearable, and all he could do was put as much distance between the hospital and himself. He couldn't face Sakura, Naruto, Kakashi, or even Tsunade on these days; he just wanted to be alone.

It was times like these that dark thoughts he usually succeeded in pushing to the farthest corners of his mind resurfaced – thoughts like _Why didn't Itachi kill me too?_ and _I should have died back then with everyone else._ Ironically enough, it was his brother he wanted there with him at these times, if only to tell him that he was being ridiculous and that he survived for a reason.

But nowadays, he craved Sakura's company even more – it was just like that cliché platitude all the older shinobi spouted: _You never know what you really have until you've lost it._ But Sakura _wasn't_ gone – just because there were a few complications, didn't mean she wouldn't be okay. She was going to survive; she wasn't going to leave him like his parents and the rest of his clan…

… but would she ever be able to look him in the eye again after what he did? She wouldn't see her precious Sasuke-kun anymore; she'd see a cold, heartless, ruthless monster that disfigured her, albeit by accident. Pull out the Mangekyou Sharingan, and his partially nonexistent relationship with her would be all but destroyed. He should have just accepted the apples she cut and peeled for him; he shouldn't have gotten so angry with Naruto.

_I should have died back then with everyone else._

Today, Sasuke sat in a tree at the edge of the village, close to the village gate wallowing in his own self-pity. He vaguely wondered if anyone was looking for him before reminding himself that _no_, nobody would be looking for him because _he almost killed Sakura_.

"So this is where you are." Sasuke honestly wasn't surprised when Kakashi materialized next to him. "Lady Hokage was worried when you didn't show up this morning." Sasuke merely grunted in response. "Oh, by the way – Sakura woke up." Kakashi had to grab the back of Sasuke's shirt to keep him from falling off the tree in surprise.

"What?" Sasuke asked eloquently.

Kakashi's visible eye crinkled with a smile. "She's awake. She just woke up an hour ago. She's not completely healed yet, of course, but now that she's awake, the healing should progress at a much faster rate." Sasuke averted his eyes without saying a word. "Don't you want to see her?"

Maybe if she woke up another day, a day when the despair and guilt weren't too much to handle, he'd be able to face her. But today, he just couldn't. "No," he said in a small, dull voice.

Kakashi's eye narrowed in disappointment, and Sasuke wholeheartedly agreed with him, but he still couldn't bring himself to look his teammate in the eye – not after what he did. "I see," he simply said before leaving Sasuke to wallow in his self-pity.

* * *

A week passed by without incident, and Sasuke still couldn't bring himself to visit Sakura. What he didn't count on, however, was Sakura coming to visit _him_. He was sitting on the roof of the hospital, folding a paper crane with chakra. He'd finally gotten it, but he wanted to try once more to make sure it wasn't just a fluke, but when he heard Sakura's voice for the first time in a month, his chakra spiked and he ended up ripping the paper violently. "So this is where you are," she said, sitting down with him. Sasuke did his best not to look her in the eye, but he could still see the damage he caused. What he saw before was fuzzy and vague, but now he could clearly see her arm swathed in bandages, resting on a sling, the faint outline of bandages wrapped around her torso, faint, jagged scars running up her neck.

Sasuke felt sick; he couldn't push aside the thought that Sakura, his _teammate_, was so disfigured because of _him_. _He'd_ done this to her. _He_ was the one responsible for all of this.

_I should have died back then with everyone else._

Sakura frowned in concern. "Sasuke-kun, are you okay?" Sasuke wanted to laugh at the irony of the situation. Here she was, heavily bandaged and scarred and disfigured, and she wanted to know if _he_ was okay. Sasuke swallowed thickly, not trusting himself to speak. "Um… Kakashi-sensei told me what happened. With your Sharingan." He only assumed as much. "I… I'm sorry. If I hadn't run in between you and Naruto—"

"Why are _you_ apologizing?" Sasuke cut her off. His voice was low, and it rasped from lack of use (he _had_ been avoiding everyone for a while), but now that he'd broken his silence, he couldn't stop. "It was my fault. I was the one who did this to you!" His throat clenched, and his eyes stung with unshed tears, so he turned away from Sakura to maintain at least some semblance of dignity.

"Sasuke-kun…" Sakura whispered. "I…"

"You shouldn't forgive me," Sasuke continued, slowly realizing that he was hyperventilating. "You shouldn't even want to be on the same team as me after—" Sasuke's body went rigid when Sakura suddenly hugged him from behind.

"Stop it," she ordered, her voice wavering. "Maybe it _was_ your fault, but it was an _accident_."

"How was it an accident? I shouldn't have used the Chidori at all!"

"No, you shouldn't have, but you can't keep beating yourself up about what happened either! It's done! There's nothing you can do about it!" Sasuke let her words sink in, swallowing thickly in a feeble attempt to compose himself. "Sasuke-kun, I'm not mad… especially after Kakashi-sensei told me what you've been doing this past month." Sasuke didn't trust himself to speak, and thankfully, Sakura quickly filled the silence. "He told me how you started training to become a medic… because you felt so guilty about what happened to me."

"You mean _what I did_ to you."

Sakura groaned exasperatedly. "Sasuke-kun!" she yelled. "We're _all_ to blame for what happened that day. Yeah, you might have started the fight, but Naruto fought back with just as much force, and I was stupid for running in like that. Even Kakashi-sensei didn't show up on time, as usual!"

"Don't—"

"Listen to me! Even if it _was _entirely your fault – which it's _not_ – it's over and done with, and I forgive you."

The hospital was definitely cursed, and being there made Sasuke lose control of his emotions quickly, so it was a wonder he didn't break down right then and there. "Y-You're sure?"

Sakura nodded and smiled brightly at him. "Yes, I'm sure. Anyway, Hokage-sama said it should be another month or so before I can start training again. My whole body feels kind of wobbly, so I think I'll have to train harder, not to mention I have to compensate for lost time. So what's it like, training to be a medic? What were you doing anyway?" Sasuke glared at her when she burst out laughing when he told her about the paper cranes. "I used to do that all the time! It's very relaxing."

"Relaxing?" Sasuke repeated incredulously. And as he talked to Sakura for the first time since the accident, he felt his worries slowly start to slip away.

* * *

It took three years for Sasuke to perfect his medical ninjutsu, two and a half years for Sakura to join Intelligence and learn genjutsu after her recovery, and two years to go on and return from a training trip with Jiraiya. Not even a week after Naruto returned, Team Seven finally succeeded in passing Kakashi's bell test. Sasuke had yet to use his Mangekyou Sharingan, but he wasn't hoping to start anytime soon. The prospect of revenge was still there, though it wasn't as prominent, and Sasuke was no longer in a hurry to achieve it. Life was good, and Sasuke didn't want it to change.

_Finis._


End file.
